Many of you know that I used to advise a sorority chapter at American University. Since moving to Minnesota, I’ve been working with high school students through a Sunday school class. I don’t know why I love it, but working with those just a few years younger than me is always fulfilling. And then again, a little challenging.
Some lessons…
- There’s a lot to be said for small groups. Either through committee meetings or when only a couple students show up, I’ve learned to not think “Man, I wish more of them were here.” Instead it’s a great opportunity to do more meaningful connections. Then when there are larger groups, you’ve already been accepted by a number of the students.
- Someone has to be the grown-up, and it’s not them. While I’ve been asked to be involved because I was so close in age, the students would identify with me easier, it also blurs the line. You become friends and want to hang out, but then when something happens and you have to be an adult, you find it’s hard to step back over the line. I’m learning where the boundary is between close mentor and social friend.
- You can help them be individuals, even in a group. This is important at their ages, often trying to discover who they really are as they begin to come out from under parents’ wings. Spending time, talking, learning about interests, all of it allows them to continue to figure it out. And they love to see that you’re still figuring it out as well. They know they don’t have to have the answer right now, and it’s all part of the journey.
- You have to earn trust, but when you do, it’s amazing. There’s one student now who would do the polite smile, and that was it. I left the space (figurative and physical) between us wide because I knew that she was going to come to me when she was ready. Now we’re connecting, and I can’t wait to see the amazing things she’s going to do. I’ve gotten to see her heart and even as a high schooler, it’s still so whole. Not broken. It’s enlightening.
- You can’t worry if they will remember you. They may not think of you every day, but they’ll remember you. I still get notes and emails from my students a couple years ago, and thanks to social media, we can stay connected no matter where we go. You may have only impacted their lives for a short time, but you’re remembered. Just like you remember those who worked with you while you were a student.
- Every encounter with them is a fresh start. You can’t bring your own baggage to these students. It’s not their fault that you have financial or job troubles, that a boy broke up with you, or you have family stress. It’s a time for you to begin as a neutral source, allowing them to be the ones to pull your experiences so they can learn.
Even if you are still fresh from school (high school, college, graduate), take an opportunity to explore what working with students is like. You might not only learn about them, but learn about yourself.
What other lessons have you learned from teaching or mentoring? What are some challenges you’ve overcome? What are your favorite teaching experiences?
Photo from clipart.
As someone who has taught in a variety of settings (undergraduate college, graduate school, and corporate universities) for more than thirty years, point number 5 really hit home for me. Awhile back I wrote a post about living a public life (http://workingwithtwentysomethings.com/lessons-from-living-a-public-life/). Everyone pays attention to everything the teacher does or says so you WILL be remembered in some way. I have also enjoyed the incredible experience of someone coming up to me years later to share something they remembered from a class or workshop that made a difference for them. There are certainly teachers I will never forget, and one of them is now a friend of mine on Facebook.
Thanks for the comment. I know that some work with students as a way to change lives…and they want the credit of doing the changing. We change our own lives. Yes, people impact our decisions and futures. I’m actually more shocked when someone comes back to me and says, “Remember this? That really influenced me to do…” Always something nice to hear, but I don’t expect it.
Hey Emily! Hope all is well with you. I saw this and couldn’t help throwing my two cents in.
In my second year in TFA, I have learned that you CAN push kids further than they want to go, and that, even if they hate you in the moment, it is worth it. Perhaps the most rewarding days of this job are when students that I taught in last year’s classes — and that stared daggers at me every day in class — come to me this year with warm smiles, high fives, and big bear hugs. It’s what gets me through tough lessons with unwilling students in the moment. I think to myself, “It’s ok. You may think it’s torture right now, and I’ll be sure to remind you of that when you tell me next year that you miss my class.”
Hi Ms. Stasik, I don’t have much formal classroom experience. I was a day care teaching assistant through college, and our lesson plans we built around covering the basics. I think there is something to be said about pushing those we believe in. We all hate to see wasted potential. I know that happens in the workplace all the time. Though, as we grow up, we balance the pushing and encouragement, hoping they’ll start taking initiative on their own…all while hoping it’s not causing a productivity problem. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Nice post! I was a teacher in a few different scenarios (as well as a founding sorority member) so your post resonated with me a lot. I think my favorite scenarios are the ones where you learn a little bit about yourself in the process. I once had a kid I taught reading to in a neighborhood in the Bronx. He was really frustrating to deal with, and actually threw my cell phone in the toilet. BUT he taught me a lot. He made me learn to count to ten and remember that things are allllll a process 🙂
I hope you didn’t have to get a new cell phone, I know what water does to those. We all learn, and if you don’t going in thinking that you’ll learn from the students, then you’re not there with an open mind. You won’t get much out of it. There are TV movies about that lesson! It’s something I will probably always try to do, the age groups may change, but I think there’s such a river of experience to swim in, the best way is to share your own, learn from others, and hope you’re shaping a better future for all. Thanks Beth!
Great post, here, Emily, and one that really resonates with me.
I’m teaching high schoolers for a year of service. I’ve learned a ton about myself and about people in general. Trying to hold the attention of high schoolers and convince them that what you’re saying is important to them for 50 minutes at a time is a huge challenge. You’re right on your points, though, trust is huge, and, as the students mature, they will begin to appreciate you and your efforts.
This year has convinced me that teaching isn’t the profession for me, but I absolutely love the one-on-one interactions where students are more comfortable and not distracted by other classmates. Whether or not I stay at the school in some capacity next year, I plan to find a way to tutor and continue building relationships that way.
Thanks for a great post!
Tom
@TomOKeefe1
Tom, you have a lot of heart, I can tell. Classrooms aren’t for everyone, and I truly admire those who take on the profession. My mom taught for years and then came home to deal with three of us. Talk about patience. I’m glad you’ll find a way to still connect with students, it sounds like you’ve found something that really fills you. Best of luck, and keep us posted!
Numbers 2-4 are the ones I can relate the most to in my experience working with kids. I coached a team of 11 year olds (baseball), and as much as you want to be their friend and be the “cool guy” it’s very tough to get them back under control, to focus before a game, to respect you the same way once you’ve cut up with them. Sometimes you have to get firm or they’ll walk all over you.
But… It’s so worth it when you make a connection with a kid and you can tell that what you say and do is really resonating and making an impact. We had a bigger kid on our team who’s old coach always got mad when he didn’t hit well (because he was a big power hitter who HAD TO HIT!), and just benched him when he slumped.
We ran him right back out there, told him it happens to everyone, and to keep his chin up, and the next you thing you know the kid has his confidence back and is spraying the field (and leaving the yard!).
Good stuff Emily!
Ryan, props to you! I don’t have much experience with 11 year olds. My day care and nanny experience was with all under 5 year olds. I can handle 10 toddlers, but I don’t know if I could survive a team of 11 year olds. Organized sports are so great for kids. I know I was always playing two or three sports at a time, all year long. Coaches are amazing mentors when they’re great. I’ve also seen bad coaches, and they can be detrimental to kids. I remember the dance teacher who finally burned me out to the point that I walked away from something I had been committed to for 13 years. It sounds like you’re the kind of coach and mentor that will really help kids shine. Thanks for sharing! I truly appreciate you stopping by!
[…] but I am constantly trying to be a student of life. So, inspired by Emily Jasper’s post, “Lessons I’m Learning From Being an Adviser and Teacher”, I’ve decided to share some things that I’ve learned (or learned to do better) this […]