Ellie Scarbrough, founder of pinkkisses.com, may be an expert on mending a broken heart, but she does all of that because she listens to her community. I had the opportunity to gain insights from her, and here are her best tips:

Contrary to popular belief, building a bustling and cohesive community online is neither simple nor self-sustaining. It takes time, strategy, persistence and a deep belief on the part of the founder that the content is absolutely vital for it’s members.

To put it another way: Founding a community is like birthing a child.

It’s an emotional ride and there’s a constant nagging that you just might mess it up in some way. You inherently know that to do it right, you’re going to spend a ton of time learning from others who have done it before and even more time finding your own way. You’re not going to expect anything from it financially, at least for a while. Yet, you’re going to have to love it through all of the brilliance and the bratty moments. And, there will be both.

But, there are certain things you must do as a business owner if you want to create a space online where people share, unite, and most importantly, grow in numbers.  Here are my four tips for before you build it, when it’s ready to launch and once it’s in use:

1. Identify a need

On the day I graduated from college, it never would have occurred to me that, at 32, I’d be running an online community of over seven thousand women focused on forgetting their exes and finding their inner bombshells.

But two years ago, I created Pink Kisses, a site for women going through heartbreak, for a very simple reason: I had just experienced the toughest breakup of my life and simply couldn’t find smart, thoughtful tools and conversation to help me start heading in a bold, new direction. I knew I had to create a space where women could kick their heels off, let their hair down and get real. I started asking everyone (including the barista at my coffee spot, and any random woman I happened to ride an elevator with) if they’d be interested in the kinds of tools and tips I wanted to offer. Overwhelmingly, the answer was yes.

If you’re not 100% sure how real the need is for your community, just ask. People will be pretty honest about where they will and will not spend their valuable time.

2. Model what you want

While building Pink Kisses, I discovered that if I wanted other women to open up about what was going on in their own lives, I had to be honest about what was happening in mine.

The best online communities are safe places for sharing.  So I decided to put my story of heartbreak on my website, for anyone to see. This helped catalyze story-sharing from my new community members, and also ended up being the perfect ice-breaker. It gave members an excuse to ask me questions, relay horror stories of their own, and eventually, start a larger dialogue together about the process of breaking up and moving on.

I knew that nothing I wrote or created could ever be insincere if I expected the same out of my members. So if you test everything you create in your community by setting the example – always with an attitude of sincerity and openness – you will be on the road to success.

3. Spread the word

Just because you’ve decided to build a community doesn’t mean people will automatically join. In the first year after launch, you have to make it your number one mission to let the world know you exist. Because, let’s be honest, they won’t otherwise. With so many distracting sites for women on the web, you have to be able to grab their attention and hold it long enough for them to fall in love with your budding community.

How? You can start with social media campaigns that can create buzz even before you launch. Decide which two social media sites are the best places to connect with your intended audience, and get to work telling everyone you know to connect there. Start a month or so before you go live to have an audience already interested in your brand. Stay authentic, be real and let people know what your brand stands for – without being “salesy.” Let people feel like they’re part of something, like they’re getting a sneak peek. Then, once you’re launched, get them to help you grow. That’s exactly how we built our incredibly involved & loyal Facebook community.

Also, get your story out there on traditional media fronts: TV, radio, blogs, newspapers, magazines… don’t be shy. Within a month of launch, I was on the TODAY Show talking about Pink Kisses. In the first year, I told my story everywhere from COSMO Radio to The Wall Street Journal.  Online, I wrote for the Huffington Post, Crazy Sexy Life and more blogs than I can count. I never said no to an interview and never stopped looking for opportunities to partner with other websites or outlets to get the word out.

4. Listen to what your members are saying

The people engaged in your site are your very best source of information. So once you’ve launched your community and shouted its existence from the rooftops, pose your members two simple questions:

• Ask them what’s missing.
• Ask them what they love.

Not only will they want to share, they’ll be even more loyal members if they feel like their voice truly matters, and that this community is built around their expressed needs.

On a more macro level, we’ve made a conscious effort at my company to continually study the emotions, experiences and patterns that emerge around breakups. Every time we conduct a survey or a focus group, we are amazed at what we’re able to discover about how we can better serve our community. Often, I’ll pick up the phone or write an email just to see how my members are doing.

As you can see, collecting community feedback can be a very involved (but crucial) process.  So create a strategy around asking for feedback, and be sure to do something each month to keep you in touch with the pulse of your community. Never miss an opportunity to learn more about your members or your opportunities.

The takeaway: women are social creatures. We crave a sense of community and enjoy sharing our lives with others. But, there are tons of places we can now go online to dish. If you want to break into the realm of building an online community, you have to be bold, focused and you have to create something worth visiting. Once you’ve created the ideal space, you have to tell the world about it. With all the noise, it’s not enough just to sit back and wait for members to find you. Build something incredible, bring people to it, engage them in their contributions big or small. And always, always, always ask for feedback.

I may be living in the academic bubble, but I’m well aware of the fact that TSA agents have had it rough for a while thanks to the new pat-downs. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that manners are on a huge decline (based on personal observation), and we’re all self-centered.

Take a moment this holiday season and think about someone who’s been trying to protect us by just doing his job.

Thank you DCA TSA agents. You were the most pleasant and speedy agents I have ever encountered. You all smiled as people were trying to negotiate the bins, and you were friendly in reminding people that they needed to remove sweaters and bulky clothing. You also reminded them well enough in advance that those of us ready to go weren’t waiting. Even if you’re ready to never see another sprig of holly or glittery star again, you all replied back to greetings of “Happy Holidays.” You even said, “Thank you” back to me after I stacked my bins.

During a time of year when stress is at the most high, you all made a difference in my day. Thank you for being great agents and protecting our safety.

I’m a frequent flier, and I’ve nailed down my airport routine down to the type of shoes I wear to make the security check point easier. It’s important to me to be a prepared as I go through the line because I know that there are so many details to catch. If I can help by being ready and efficient, I know I’m one less worry for those agents. Yet I’m amazed at the people who seem to have slept through the last nine years…what, you want my shoes off? Jacket, too? What do you mean liquids have to fit in this plastic baggie?

Yes, there are people out there who have no idea what to do when they travel. And apparently asking them to do a little research (as in read the million signs around them) is too much. So we all get frustrated when we end up behind, next to, or in the general vicinity of these people.

I know people have been offended by the invasion of space from the pat-downs, but people have been taking travel stress out on TSA agents for years. If you waited behind the six-bin traveler, when all you want to do is load your carry-on and shoes on the belt, you’re already in a huff. You’re mad at that previous traveler, but what little influence polite society has on you may lead you not to say anything to that traveler. But you sure take it out on the agent who needs to run your bag again.

Kind of like in police shows, if you didn’t do anything wrong, I never understand why people won’t cooperate. These agents are doing their jobs, so hold up your end of the bargain.

Unfortunately, some of the lack of respect for agents may also come from the perceived notion that there is minimal threat. There are many threats we don’t know about, including the ones of every day people who just had too much to drink at the airport bar and became disruptive on the flight. Think of those action-packed movies and TV shows where someone has to save the day before the bomb goes off. Only those immediately involved know anything happened, or in this case, didn’t happen. That’s what the TSA agents are trying to do. Make sure we know that nothing is happening.

If you are traveling, even if things are stressful, take a quick breath and cool down before you take travel anger out on a TSA agent. Wish them a “Happy Holidays” and know we’ll all be a little safer this New Year.

Howdy everyone, I can’t believe May got here so quickly! And in only 6 weeks, I’ll be moving!!! If you’re just catching up, I accepted a scholarship to the MBA program at Virginia Tech for the fall. As part of my transition to being a Hokie, I’ll be packing up my apartment here in MN, stay with my parents in MO for a few weeks, then head to VA in August. This is a formal head’s up to any of you MN peeps who want to hang out before I move

So let’s get to the goals…

April Goals:

1. Downsize. So this got started, but I still have a long way to go. Since I know I’m officially moving, I’ll roll this one into May as part of the Moving Plan.
2. Meet NYC Bloggers. Yes!!! I got to meet Sam Karol, and it was a blast! Also, I met up with Ellen McGirt from Fast Company (she wrote the cover articles on Ashton Kutcher, Chris Hughes, and Intel). If you’re ever in cities where some of your favorite writers live, visit them!
3. Return my Netflix in a timely manner. I have actually done this! Except now that I have Netflix streaming on my Wii, I’ve become addicted to it. I really need to spend less time with old episodes of Weeds or Buffy, but I can’t help it!!
4. Write more on the weekends. I got to do some of this, though not as much as I would like. Since starting to write at The Daily Get Up, I’m pushing out a bit more content than usual. Ironically enough, it means some days I don’t have an opinion (I know, me, no opinion??), so I may need to rethink my writing strategies.
5. Take walks outside. Yes, I totally got to do this (and still am). It’s beautiful here right now (except for the pollen), so I do try to get a little sun and exercise when I can.

And now May:

1. Make a Moving Plan. Since I’m going to be downsizing to a dorm room, I’ve got a lot of cleaning and packing to do. In addition, there’s also important things like cancelling utilities and reserving a Uhaul to do. I’m making a list, checking it twice, and I hope soon that I’ll be well on my way to being packed up at the beginning of June.
2. Do some writing exercises. I’ve been inspired by a harlequin romance novel. Yes, I read those from time to time. There’s one that I’m reading now about a male escort and a rhetoric professor. Long story short, she helps the escort with his writing. There’s been some neat bits of info in the book, so I think I’m going to give some writing exercises a try. You might see some of these pop up on the blog over the next few weeks.
3. Start my MBA Math course. There’s a nifty course for me to take over the summer called MBA Math. I need to get started on it so my brain will be ready for studying in the fall.
4. Dance a little every day. Also in inspiration from the romance novel, I think I need to dance a little every day. Ellen DeGeneres does it, why can’t I? I’m a huge supporter of the One Song Dance Party, I just don’t get to do it every day.

To participate in the meet-up:

1. Post a list of your career/life related goals for February, along with your checked off January goals if you’d like, on your own blog.
2. Come back to BrazenCareerist.com network and leave a link to your post in the comments (*If you don’t have your own blog, feel free to share your list here in the comments to join in!)
3. Then, check out everyone else’s lists as they leave comments - click their links, visit their blogs, say hello, meet, greet and support each other because that’s what it’s all about!

Picture from clipart.