We’ve talked about it before: there are times when the independent woman just doesn’t want to be so independent. My friend from high school is in a Folgers commercial where she gets engaged and tells her dad he doesn’t need to worry anymore. Some arguments think that it promotes anti-feminist attitudes that we need to be rescued by men. My opinion?
I would LOVE for someone to notice if I don’t make it home one night.
Or get in unusually late because I might have gotten mugged.
Even if it’s not what my Independent Self would do, I used to have panic attacks about this all the time. I would call my friend on Sundays to check in with her. Even if I saw her on Saturday. And I knew I would see her at work Monday. And if I didn’t show up, she’d notice because she’d have to pick up my slack. For a long time, I called my mom every day. When I started missing days because I got too busy, I would frantically call, “I’m still alive!”
“Of course you are,” she’d say. “You’re a grown-up, you don’t need to call your mom every day.”
This might be the reason I don’t have pets. I’m afraid if I had some accident or something, this poor animal might die of starvation. Or if I died, I’d have a Miranda moment and be afraid of my pet nibbling on me.
Yes, the normal answer would be: Get a roommate! I tried that on my most recent move, but none of the interviews worked out. I’m kind of alright with that because I have some single-girl habits I’ve developed because of living alone…the 4:45am alarm clock might not work for everyone. My Independent Self says that normal people won’t appreciate my quirks.
And then, there’s still that nagging: How long would it take for someone to notice if I didn’t make it home? Or fell in my home and couldn’t reach help?
If I need to get married for someone to notice my comings and goings, then let’s do it! When you’re married, you don’t have to be pretty all the time, right? You can smell like Mineral Ice and wear a crazy ice pack contraption without being judged. If you need someone to help you in and out of the shower, they’ve seen it all already.
My back has been acting up, and I am a little afraid that I will end up like a turtle on the floor, unable to roll myself over to get up again. Someone has offered to help me a bit, but my Independent Self is saying “No, you’re fine! You got this!” Besides, they’d just be watching me work all day. What’s the fun in that?
Luckily, I’m seeing friends this weekend. High school and Brazen ones to be exact. I know that if I end up having turtle issues, they’ll roll me over and pick me up. And then probably tweet about it, but I probably will, too 🙂
And then my Independent Self will say, “See, that wasn’t so bad!”
I have to call my kid every couple days to make sure she is still alive at college, or that she made it back to the dorm after a snowstorm. I always hope someone would notice if she didn’t show up, but who knows.
My advice, stay far far away from marriage.
I like the video above, don’t think it promotes a feminist attitude at all.
It’s nice to hear you called your child regularly. I know at that age, it may not always be appreciated, but once you’re really on your own, it’s comforting!
You are raising a very, very good point in this piece.
While I do agree that this ad does continue the master narrative that women should be viewed as property that pass from father to husband (“who gives this woman*?” *cow? chicken? land?), the feministing article really did not articulate the issue well. I also did not like the attack on someone, regardless of sex, living at home–considering the times and having a home separate from family is a privilege that requires money and typically credit of some sort which not everyone has. This ad made me cry the first time I saw it. Typically, it’s only Hallmark ads around the Holidays that get me and I’m pretty thick skinned (and a raging feminist).
That all being said, you’ve raised a great point here for single women living on their own. Considering we are constantly navigating a very unfriendly world (from sexual harassment in the form of a whistle on the way to work to worrying that if we participate in activities like drinking and wearing clothing we enjoy and show off our bodies we could possibly be gang raped for over two hours with people watching and not stopping it and then have a lawyer ask “but what were you wearing/doing??!” as if we asked for it), your worry is completely valid and on point.
While I won’t suggest jumping into a marriage, I would suggest meeting neighbors and developing a way to make habits that put you places where people will notice you. Say “Hi” to the folks at the gym everyday and chat with them, if you don’t come in… they will know something is up. Same with neighbors. I’m not saying we need to stay at home and live with family forever to avoid these risks (which is what the feministing article, i believe, is trying to say in part 1 on the ad), but we have to build defenses and allies. And be as “safe” as we can while not becoming hermits or losing our independence. Great post! and I hope your back feels a bit better. 🙂
So I FULLY admit that marriage is a knee jerk reaction…probably over the top considering I really haven’t made it past a first date in a while. 🙂 But yes, neighbors can be helpful when it comes to the “watch my back, I’ll watch yours” relationship. I know a woman used to grab medication delivered to me so it didn’t sit in the hall with it’s Refrigerate, Perishable! sticker on the side. I think that I’m probably in the position for a companion. Sure, a roommate might work, but I know having someone to hang with, us to worry about each other, to help me out when I’m being a baby…all that jazz. I don’t always feel like I could impose that on a roommate. But there’s always a balance when it comes to this stuff. Thanks for the comments! Such a great perspective!