Mr. Collins, Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy…and Zombie Killers?

by Emily Jasper on September 17, 2009

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.” Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

I just finished Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. While I may not be able to speak on behalf of all women in my generation, I know that many of my college friends and sorority sisters can agree with me: Jane Austen presents the kind of man a woman wants (even with the zombies).

In fact, I would say Jane Austen brings to the twenty-first century what many modern day reality-TV dating shows misses. She presents to us three types of men that still exist today and the fates of each. Seth Grahame-Smith accentuates them with his addition of zombies to the classic story. The zombies perhaps draw a clearer line that may not be perceived upon reading the original text (this assumes you didn’t cheat and only saw the movies).

If you take the more positive version of the Gen-Y stereotype, we are driven, smart, agile, and incredibly innovative. I would say we have some great women on our hands. In taking that stereotype, one might be able to guess what kind of man best meets the needs of these independent females. Let us apply Jane Austen’s characters (in the context of zombies) to men and the needs of today’s young women.

(This assumes you have read either the classic tale or the zombie version, don’t blame me if I ruin the story for you.)

Mr. Collins- He is the cousin of the Bennett family, and if you ignore the whole wanting-to-marry-his-cousin-thing, you realize he is a frightful boob willing, nay desiring, to be treated like a doormat. He is also what we would consider a “Mama’s boy,” if you assume that Lady Catherine de Bourgh plays the mother figure in his life. He is the type of gentleman who has had little experience with women. While this flaw seems to be a big deal, many men find their way out of it with time…except Mr. Collins. It is with the luck of finding poor Miss Lucas that he actually finds someone willing to settle on him for fear of dying a spinster. The fear of spinster-hood, even today, has resulted in the unhappy marriages of many women willing to “settle” as they say.

Mr. Bingley- While he is one of the most attractive suitors of the novel, Mr. Bingley essentially is a chicken willing to listen to his best friend’s direction. He is cute, eligible, and quite attractive as a mate, but does come across lacking in the qualities of a Man’s Man. You won’t see him drinking beer, cheering on the Vikings. No, he’ll enjoy a nice chardonnay…only if someone recommends it to him. This is a scenario in which the wife might need to wear the pants.

Mr. Darcy- By Mr. Grahame-Smith’s description, Mr. Darcy is a hard-core zombie warrior…with quite a bit of money in the bank. Sure, he can be a pompous ass, but that’s kind of sexy, isn’t it? Mr. Darcy, unlike his friend Mr. Bingley, is probably out on the football field, managing the team, and running the sports coverage. All while drinking a hoppy brew. If you don’t like it, he really doesn’t care…except for the One. He knows who she is, and while he may also have his awkward moments (citing Elizabeth’s inferiority while professing his love for her, for example), he doesn’t stop to put himself in a state most desirable for his object of affection. His motto: Never give up, never surrender. Okay, maybe not literally, but he goes and fixes all his trespasses to win her hand.

If you ask me, these three types are still alive and well today. Sure, there isn’t a Player listed (that’s Mr. Wickham if you must know), but these three are your marrying-types out there for us. It is up to us now to make the final decision…who shall be by our side as we go into zombie battle?

A special thanks to Mehnaz for her recent post: Hey Pretty Boy! You Need a Nerdy Girl! for some additional inspiration.

The views expressed in my blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.

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