Being out of practice has changed my own comfort level. When I step up, the adrenalin rushes through me so quickly, my body is shaking violently. I can’t channel her as easily anymore, and I don’t know if she’ll show up this time. What if it’s just me?
For years I was a pretty committed performer. I was always comfortable on a stage, pulling energy from the audience that I would manifest into a big voice and dance movement. I used to think of it as my alter-ego taking over, and sometimes I wouldn’t even remember the performance. It was if I had stepped back for her.
I can’t even get up to a karaoke machine now without having a minor panic attack.
Oddly enough, I don’t think my alter has left me. She just doesn’t know what to do anymore. It seems that my performances have moved from the stage to the office, and she’s still figuring it out.
I used to feel so powerful on a stage, and really, I didn’t even need a stage. I would just perform. If I felt it, I would sing or dance in the street, at school, or in a restaurant. Many times I would embarrass my friends, but I never cared. Somehow, along the way, caring about what others thought began to take over.
So I had to refocus where I performed. Like any other vicious cycle, putting my stage energy into an office setting meant I began to care more and more what people thought. I couldn’t express myself, but instead I had to take on different roles while I was still learning the script.
You’ve all been there. You step into a meeting, say something, and then all hell breaks loose. At the time, you may have no idea what it was you said (or how you said it), but it was enough that there’s major damage control going on. You learn for next time, but this incident is just one scene of many for which you have no pages.
I use my alter to direct myself, playing roles in the office. If you hear me when I’m “on” at work, I have a totally different voice. My tone drops, I monitor how much passion I let in, and I try to find the balance between seriousness and humor. But I still end up with stage jitters.
I am proud to have an alter who is still on her toes. My heart rate may not appreciate it, but I know that getting too comfortable often makes you complacent. I may be a little rusty pulling energy from an audience as I sing “All That Jazz,” but I’m getting the hang of presenting to executives.
How do you find your performing self in the workplace? Do you feel you need to perform? What are your experiences learning a workplace script?
Photo credit.
The workplace is definitely a different kind of stage. When I used to perform there was a defined start and end to that performance. While onstage you could project your confidence and skill and because the audience was there to see the performance there wasn’t anyone thinking things like “He talks too much, brags too much, shows off a bit, etc.”.
I like your analogy of a workplace script, though. To me it’s more of a ramp-up in each ‘performance’. You have the process of practicing your lines, learning what the audience is there to see, performing, and dealing with the cast party all while being the same person and in the same location and context of each other.
I’d say ask your audience if they want to see “All That Jazz” or the TPS report. That will loosen them up. 🙂
Nice post.
Dez, the lack of start and finish can be a big deal…talk about taking work home with you. You can also get exhausted being “on” all day…
When I get a chance to tell that joke, I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks!
Working on a stage I run across all sorts of actors and performers and I wonder if you need a little bit of “diva” in you to perform. If you have to own a little vanity, a desire for attention, in order to step up to the mic.
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Patrick, it could be that we need the diva spirit. I certainly know that if you’re afraid of people, I’m not going to send you to work the booth at a conference. I know that you pick up skills through life, and I kind of wish that HR asked if you were in drama or a sorority or worked in a restaurant. If you can keep that stuff handy, we can also pick the right people to go places.