I pride myself on carrying myself with confidence. My friend used to say that the sound of my heels hitting the floor would someday strike fear into the hearts of coworkers. Apparently you can hear the authority of my walk in my Nine West pumps. I can come across cocky as hell, but then again, I’m the strangest kind of woman. I blush from ear to ear if you give me an honest-to-goodness compliment.
It’s something I’m working on this year.
But there’s a distinction I need to make. See, if you compliment my work: blog, projects at work, paintings, singing, whatever…I’ll take it. I know I worked really hard to turn out a product of which I can be proud.
If you compliment me, however…yeah, I turn about as red as when I walk through the Macy’s men’s underwear department (which I walk through every. single. day.). I turn red, and since I’m a fair-haired gal, not only does my face get red, the blush runs down my neck on to my chest. It takes lots of work to not come back with a self-deprecating remark.
Thanks to things like America’s Next Top Model, I’ve learned that if you follow up with that self-deprecating remark, you are actually insulting the person who complimented you. I never want to insult those around me.
But I always feel like I can be better.
I’m a first child and well, I’m the stereotype all the way. I’m a perfectionist who needs to do well, do better, and then be great. Even if I’m complimented, I know there’s room for improvement. If you think I’m kickass, I think to myself “what will it take to get to badass?”
For those of you who do compliment me, if I follow up with something overly critical about myself, tell me to cut the crap. I think that’s the best advice I can get right now.
On the other side, you may also have a hard time taking compliments. I know I’m not the only one. Some things that may help you take a compliment if you have a hard time are:
1. Say, “Thank you!” Should be easy, right?
2. Attempt to not blush. This is hard for me, but I do give it a good try.
3. Return with a compliment. Make it sincere and true.
Can you take compliments? Is it hard for you? Do you always think that you can do something better?
Photo from clipart.
When I get a compliment I always say thanks- I sometimes return it with a complement but I feel like it’s a cop-out, and while they may have given you a true compliment your compliment back may not come off as sincere.
When giving complimenets I always try and be sincere- I just love making the other person feel good about what I’ve said.
I do my best with sincerity. If you’ve ever read Pride and Prejudice you know that Mr. Collins kept compliments in his back pocket to be able to constantly flatter the fairer sex. None of these were sincere. I think if you have a good heart, there is something you do respect and admire about others. Whether you recognize it enough to articulate it sincerely is another matter.
Your post raised an interesting point in that you accept a compliment well for certain areas about yourself but feel uncomfortable for others. We all love appreciateion for what we’ve worked hard for. But it feels even more amazing when you get it for things that you think you didn’t work very hard toward. In a Freudian sense, maybe somehwere there lies some guilt in getting appreciated for something you didn’t try very hard to be good at 😉
Personally, I mirror a lot of how you feel. I’m way too hard on myself. I’m over-critical of everything I do. And I go on the defensive when someone gives me a compliment (even though my instincts may be telling me the person is being genuine). So yes, I sorta have issues. 🙂
There might be guilt. That’s something for me to think about. I didn’t quite follow the path that had been laid out before me, and I know in some cases, there is that feeling I let people down by not doing what was expected of me.
Sounds like we both have some personal development ahead of us. Thanks Sabera!